Im at strip club and am horny
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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