i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
