after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
