I wish I only lived at night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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