i just made my gag reflex go away.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
