i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
