He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
