I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
