Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
