We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
