I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
