we have pet lesbian snakes
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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