he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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