I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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