Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She's the barista slut.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
