we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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