What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
