Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
