Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
