We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
