I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
