and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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