Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
