Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
