We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
