I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
