I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I believe in your delicious
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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