We won't sleep together?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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