I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
