Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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