Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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