Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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