We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just want nice things and good sex
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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