I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
