I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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