i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
