whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
