I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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