My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I intend to get homeless drunk
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
