Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
