So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
