Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
