idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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