he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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