May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
