help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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