from now on my penis is your penis
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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