"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
