JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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