I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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