I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
