What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
