I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
