i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
