Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
