Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
