so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
