what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
