why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
