please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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