You smell like stripper and shame
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize