Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
