sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
