I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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