Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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