Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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