Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
