What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
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She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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