you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My ATM looks so different sober.
he fucked my hip out of place.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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