Midget sex pt 2 tonight
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
