I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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