So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
