halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
