let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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