They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
