I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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