she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
