I think i peed on brittanys purse
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
