I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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