Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
